Life in Stepping Stones

I’ve been going over this post in my head, trying to think of what to write. I haven’t written since October and I feel like it’s time again. The last few months of 2013, were some of the worst I’ve ever had. Most of you don’t know this, but I was very ill for the past 4 months due to a severe food poisoning incident at the end of August that left me unable to stomach almost anything until a few weeks ago. In the middle of October, during one horrible week, my grandfather and mother-in-law passed away. I was already suffering from uncontrollable weight loss and then I added on severe depression and anxiety. After a course of antibiotics, the initial stomach problem was fixed but it led to other adverse and severe reactions throughout December. Now, I’m finally eating again and slowly regaining my weight. I’ve started some new routines, including yoga and a weight gaining diet, and I’ve been working hard to reprogram my mind to my once optimistic and playful mindset. In the end, I’m hoping that everything I’ve gone through will make me a much stronger person.

I used to think New Years Resolutions were ridiculous. Like, if you weren’t going to do something in the first place, why do you think you’ll be able to commit now? But, this year, was the first year I didn’t “resolve to not have a resolution”. This year, I woke up on January 1st telling myself I would smile and that life was going to improve this year. I wasn’t going to mope anymore and I was going to finally enjoy my life out in California.

Then it hit me. In the two years that my husband and I have been out in California, I never actually started a life out here. Before we moved from Colorado, I had things to do and close friends. I had my voice lessons, not once, but twice a week. The first year we were in California, we were so busy with a job that kept us from making any time for ourselves, that my husband and I never had the time to make any friends. I never had the time to take voice lessons. The 15 hour days, 5-6 days a week, I spent working on the computer, ended up leaving me with carpal tunnel, which I’m still suffering from. In the end, I had to leave my job and I left it to only discover that I had no other life in LA. By the time the first year passed, I felt so miserable in LA, that by the second year, I didn’t want to make any plans because I figured I’d move from here eventually anyways.

I decided this year, what if I stay in LA? What if we don’t move anytime in the next few years? I need to push myself to get out there and actually do things. Not just talk about doing things. 

I’m excited to say I’ve signed up to try out a new voice coach on Monday, I’ve started taking cake decorating classes, and in the future weeks, I plan to sign up for guitar lessons and krav maga! It feels good to actually have plans! I forgot how motivating that alone can be. Hopefully, with new activities on the horizon, I’ll meet some new people and I’ll also have more things to write about this year on my blog!

For anyone who’s been going through their own personal struggles, I hope it helps to know you’re not alone. Don’t try to distance yourself from having a life. Get out there and become active. Take control. Let yourself live.

Happy New Year 2014 everyone! May positivity and optimism light your way this year.