Dear Time Warner Cable, This Is My Email to You.

I felt inspired to write a blog today, thanks to Time Warner Cable. Is it because CBS is gone? Showtime is gone? Their customer service sucks? They sent the worst email notification ever? The fact that they illegally invaded our property a year ago, cut our cord even though we were fully paid, and left all of the junk in our yard? I guess it’s all of the above and much much more.

Lets just talk about the latest breaking news. Yesterday afternoon, TWC pulled CBS and Showtime from their contracted subscribers, my husband and I included. Forget worrying about “The Big Bang Theory” returning next month or “Homeland”, that’s a little while away. My top priority is the final season of Dexter. We have not missed an episode of this show and we are not going to. It’s the fricken FINAL season for goodness sakes!! Are you nuts TWC? No one wants to miss that. I’m pretty sure even if any Dexter fans dropped out of the show years ago, they’re tuning in for this season. Everyone wants to know how it ends. Luckily, my parents didn’t listen to me when I suggested they sign up for TWC when they moved to LA. They got AT&T U-verse. Therefore, my husband and I will be watching at their house until our new AT&T U-verse is installed in two weeks. Yes, we called and signed up today and are eager to cancel our TWC subscription as soon as we can!

For those of you who are subscribers to Time Warner Cable, you saw the email, you know what it said.

“CBS Corporation, the owner of several TV networks and broadcast TV stations, has made outrageous demands for the right to continue delivering their programming to our customers. As a result, several CBS-owned channels have been removed from your lineup while we continue to negotiate for fair and reasonable terms.

We deeply regret being forced into this position by CBS, but we’re prepared to stand by our customers and do what it takes to fight these unreasonable demands.”

The laugh riot to me is that just a couple of months ago, my husband was on the phone with TWC because they raised our rates without our knowledge. If they were always steady at the exact same rate, maybe their defense wouldn’t sound like such a loud of BS. Or maybe it still would. Either way, the reason they’re angry with CBS is because they don’t want to pay more money to the network. It has absolutely nothing to do with fighting their customers battles, as great as that sounds. Which, by the thousands of complaints on the TWC Facebook page, I’m pretty sure they’re fighting the wrong customer battle anyway. Just saying.

The crazy part is, CBS and Showtime were willing to have their channels stay on the air while negotiations continued. Ironically, you would think if they were that hungry for money, they would’ve been the ones threatening to pull the plug, not the other way around. At first, I was angry when CBS also blocked their online programming from TWC customers. In some ways, I still am annoyed. On the other hand, by them doing that, they’re only making the situation worse for TWC. Now, TWC can’t use the defense, “Just go online,” now they have to deal with the wrath of ALL of their customers.

My absolute favorite part of the email is the last line:

“We thank you for your patience and support, and appreciate you being a Time Warner Cable Customer.”

If I could write an email to TWC, mimicking their email, this is what I would write:

Update on Angry TWC Subscribers

Angry TWC Subscribers, the people who give their hard earned money every month to access their favorite shows, have had their contractual rights to watch these shows taken away from them. As a result, the Angry TWC Subscribers, will be removing Time Warner Cable from their home and continue to watch their favorite shows with another cable provider.

We are deeply excited about finally being forced into this position by TWC. We’ve put up with lots of shit from you in the past, including constant bill increases, and have decided to finally hit you were it hurts, your pocket books.

The affected areas of your pocket book include:

My Cable TV with Showtime on Demand

My High Speed Internet

If you currently received money for…	This is how your business will be impacted
My Cable TV with Showtime on Demand*	We will be refusing to pay our bill for the days that Showtime and CBS were gone. Yes, we have other channels but our contract included these channels. If you can go breach your contract, so can we. We will be taking our $135 a month and switching to a new replacement service, permanently.
My High Speed Internet	Unfortunately, because this is connected to TWC, although separate from our cable (much like Showtime is to CBS), we will be switching our internet to our new provider as well.
Starz Network	We never got this channel and we never will. Starz is no replacement for Showtime and never will be. Why is Starz Kids even considered a good replacement for Dexter?

* You can continue to claim this is to save us money but we all know that’s a lie, as you love to constantly increase our bills without our knowledge every other month. For your spectacular customer service, I will be credited for my entire bill during this blackout while I wait for AT&T U-Verse to plug in my new system. Expect to see my money removed from your income ASAP.

We thank you for finally giving us the last push to leave this train wreck of a company and appreciate you for being exactly what you are, a bunch of greedy assholes.

Be sure to visit your own Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/twc?filter=2 to read more from many other angry consumers and sit by and actively try to delete them all. Good luck.

One more thing, you really need to change your slogan. How can we possibly “Enjoy Better” if we can’t enjoy at all?