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As a parent of a young child, it can be so hard to figure out what our child will feel passionate about. Will that basketball we get them make them dream of being a pro athlete? Will that little piano be their first steps to being the next Mozart? Or will that doctor’s kit be their first steps to dreams of medical school? You just never know.
We signed our son up for gymnastics when he turned 2 because he’s so energetic and it seemed like the perfect fit. For well over a year, I would watch him with mommy fantasies about him getting a gymnastics scholarship one day… or going off to the Olympics. He’s 4 now and while he loves the activities and the friendships he’s made in his classes, he hates the bar (avoids it every class) and doesn’t always focus on what they’re teaching. Will he still be a pro gymnast one day? Something tells me he’ll find something he’s more passionate about. But, really, who knows? One day it may all just click and he’ll daydream of flipping and jumping in the air.
As his mom, my job is to help him find his passions, not steer him towards just the ones I envision for him.
I recently read online a parent asking for their older child, how can they get them to practice playing their musical instrument that they never want to play?
My answer: you don’t. If they’re not into playing the piano or the trumpet or whatever instrument it is they have, maybe it’s not the right fit for them. Or, maybe they haven’t found the right teacher to inspire them. In which case, look into that now before they lose interest in it forever, especially if it was something they once enjoyed.
When I was a little girl, I dabbled in a couple of instruments. I played the harp at 8 years old because I thought it would be so much fun. I’m not sure how long my friendship with Harperetta lasted (yes, I named it), but it fizzled pretty fast. Years later, I moved on to play the violin. I thought I’d love it. I watched Claudia on “Party of Five” dream of being a famous violinist and heading to Juilliard, and therefore, I thought I must want that too. The teacher I had when I started was incredibly strict for elementary school age instruction and every visit to her house took another ounce of fun out of it, and with that, I repeatedly was losing my desire to learn. Everything was so technical (granted I get it, one wrong move on a violin and you’re left with a screechy mess!), but I never got to enjoy what I was learning. I never got to have fun with it. No longer was it the fantasy I envisioned. It was a lot of hard work, and frankly, work I wasn’t interested in doing. Regardless, I stuck with the violin when I entered middle school and quit sometime during my year in orchestra when the most joy I got was joking with my friend about which one of us would sit in last chair. It seemed to always be a rotation between the two of us when our teacher assigned everyone by skill level. Sitting back there never made me strive to improve. I hated this instrument and I was over it. As an adult when I think of the violin, I still shutter.
At the same time, I’m so grateful my parents let me explore and find my own path.
That path was singing. I can’t even remember when I first fell in love with singing. It must’ve been in the womb. Growing up, I wrote songs throughout elementary school and dreamed of becoming a famous pop star. After recording a song, my parents used the record producer to convince me to take voice lessons. After all, I was 13 and them telling me was never going to work. Even with the best relationship, at 13 you still don’t want to listen to a word your parents have to say. After that producer encouraged me on their behalf, I took up lessons straight away. Unfortunately, my teacher was a lot like my old violin teacher. Every moment was about technique and perfection and I started to dread lessons. Singing was my favorite thing in the world and I was beginning to hate it. Eventually, I quit. Months later though, my passion still lingered and I knew singing was what I still dreamed of doing. Now 15 years old, my mom and I set out to search for a voice coach. The woman I found, Pilar, was (and frankly still is) the best teacher I’ve ever had. Not only did she make every lesson fun, but she also was able to teach me multiple techniques and skills because of it. Suddenly, warm ups weren’t dreaded and practicing my mouth positions in the mirror was everything to me. It was everything because it was no longer being forced to be everything. It just was all part of becoming the best singer I could dream of being.
As an adult, I still sometimes dream of being a professional singer. However, after working in other areas of the entertainment industry in my early 20s, I no longer want to be in the Hollywood scene. It just isn’t for me. So I’ll continue to sing my songs and maybe one day I’ll have the money to record some for myself again, but I’m happy singing for my son, myself, and whoever else wants to listen or buy my music.
At the end of the day, we can try to lead our children on many paths, and eventually they’ll find the one that fits them best. It’s hard as a parent because we want the best for our kids and whether it was something we once loved or something we once saw our kids love until it fizzled, sometimes we have to let those dreams fade.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t dream every time our son picks up a guitar and sings of him deciding to follow the path I never ended up pursuing. But as far as I’m concerned, he’ll never know that…unless he reads this blog when he grows up. Whether he falls in love with music, art, sports, medicine, or something entirely different, who am I to say? When he falls in love with something, he’ll feel it in his heart.
He recently asked for dancing shoes and to take lessons (which I’m searching to now sign him up for). He also plays with his doctors kit and tells me how much he wants to help people. Yesterday, I got him his first Ideal My First Magic Show Magic Set and watched his face fill with pride and joy as he learned his first tricks and performed them proudly for us and his grandparents.
Maybe he’ll grow up to be a dancer in the American Ballet Company. Or a doctor like his grandfather. Or he’ll become a magician and I can finally learn the secrets to all of these tricks that constantly confuse me and blow my mind (frankly, I’m kind of rooting for this one).
Come back here in 20 years and maybe we’ll all know. After all, as his parent, it’s only my job to let him explore everything he wants to while he searches for who he dreams to become. In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy watching his eyes sparkle every time he does something new that he loves and I will make it my life goal to help him discover his passions and dreams.
Because the truth is, the biggest and only daydream I really have for him is to see his dreams, whatever they may be, come true.
