Since becoming pregnant, I joined a pregnancy forum. Surprisingly, most of the people aren’t insane (not all, but most). One of the woman on there asked a question about her friendships and how isolated she feels right now. It got me thinking: does pregnancy and motherhood really change our friendships or is it just life that does?
Since having my first born, I’ve definitely drifted from some of my friendships. I still have best friends in other states but it’s not the same. Mainly because no matter how much I love them (and I really do!), I just don’t have time to call or email like I used to. I was never much of a phone person to begin with so let’s be honest, if you hate the phone in the first place and then add a toddler on top of it trying to grab it from you and yelling in your ear, you’re probably never going to touch a phone again! There’s so many days that go by that I think about these friends and wonder how they are and what they’re up to. But reality sets in and life continues. Before I know it, it’s a year later and we’ve talked maybe once, or twice, if I’m really lucky. I guess that’s just the way things go. This woman on the forums wants to think it’s because of motherhood but I can’t help but feel that it’s just because our lives have continued on separate paths and we just don’t have the time we used to. My friends aren’t mothers but they’re equally too busy to call and email. It’s just the way life is. It was easy to email one of my best friends when she moved away at 10 years old because while in school, procrastinating on the computer was the go to move. Once she had a job and I was married, it became a lot harder. After all, we live on opposite sides of the country and we both are just too busy living our lives to take a break and write an email. It’s been a couple of years I think since I sat down and wrote her a proper email, and I miss it. It was part of our weekly (sometimes monthly) lives for 15 years. I hope someday to find the time to sit down and write her an email again, but for now, I just have to settle with the occasional text or Facebook message because that’s just where our lives are at right now.
When it comes to local friendships, it’s no joke that pregnancy is an isolating time, even from the people we usually surround ourselves with daily. Take my local best friend for example. Since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t seen her more than five minutes in the past three months. Is it because I’m becoming a mother of two and she’s pulling away? Absolutely not. She adores babies and I’m pretty sure if she could move in with us once the baby is here, she would! The fact is though, most of our get togethers are over dinner with her schedule, and let’s face it, I haven’t exactly been the ideal dinner date! Unless whoever eats with me wants to copy my diet of the day which consists of exactly the only thing or two I can stand to smell! “Sure, come on over! Let’s eat a platter of fruit roll ups together. It’ll be great.” Yeah, I wouldn’t hang out either!
I’ve been literally counting down the weeks until we’re hanging out again… we finally get to watch The Bachelor premiere together night! I couldn’t be more excited since I just hit the second trimester and I’m eating actual food at night again!! I’m still nowhere near perfect, but she at least won’t starve!
I’m so happy to be entering the second trimester because this first one has probably been the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t fun when I was pregnant with my son either, but this time it was during the holidays which I think made everything worse. Spending Thanksgiving gagging at your favorite foods or Chanukah running upstairs after your son opens gifts because the noise of people is nauseating you, isn’t exactly the greatest social highlight of the season.
I can’t express how excited I am for the day when my husband can eat dinner at home again. Practically since we met, he’s always worked nights and we’ve never had the chance to have family dinners. There are no words to describe how much it has bummed me out to know that he’s finally working a schedule where we can have dinner together every night and yet, because of my pregnancy nose, he’s having to eat dinner out alone every single night. I have all of these dreams of him, Bailey, and I cooking dinner together in the kitchen and sitting around the kitchen table where we can talk about our day. I admit, this seems like a crazy sci-fi fantasy for the fact alone that I normally hate to cook and the thought of me in the kitchen seems highly abnormal. But then again, maybe I just hate to cook alone. I always loved baking growing up but the reason why is because I always did it with my mom and sister. Maybe cooking will be the same way. As long as my professional chef husband doesn’t micro-manage me like last time. Sorry babe, I’m cutting the vegetables in uneven sizes and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Hopefully by 14 weeks this dream of mine can happen? Fingers crossed.
As for friendships dissipating once you have kids and your friends don’t, I’m sure that happens to plenty of people. I’ve never had a lot of friends in one place so I haven’t really had to experience this much. The fact is though, if these stories I’ve shared prove anything, it’s that it has less to do with your kids and far more to do with your lives. Everyone’s life is continuing in their own direction and either our chapters will meet up or we’ll end up with separate sequels. There’s nothing wrong with it and it doesn’t mean you and your friends don’t still hold a place for each other in your hearts, you’re just living your own journeys. Whether you have kids, a successful job, or decide to travel the world, it’s growing up that makes our friendships change, not our specific decisions.
So live your story. I guarantee you’ll still have plenty of great stories to share with the wonderful people you still have to meet along the way and who knows, maybe some of your old friends will make a cameo someday in a future chapter, or maybe they’ll end up back in a leading role when your stories collide once again.