It’s funny how when you’re a certain age, or when you’re still trying to discover who you are, how you latch on to things to help “define” you, yet the only thing in this world that defines you ends up being you.
When I was 16, I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I could’ve become Buffy, I think I would have. I couldn’t go a conversation without somehow connecting the show and I most certainly couldn’t go a week, if even a day, without watching an episode (or a full fledged marathon!). I was obsessed with going to conventions, meeting the actors, and getting their autographs. I had to get prop replicas and always made fan music videos. Everything in my life somehow related to the show. If I was depressed, I was season six Buffy. If I was trying to work out my own teen years and problems in school, I was high school Buffy. My obsession with Buffy continued for a few years. Until one day, it didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the show. It will always be one of my favorites. But my world somewhere around 18 stopped revolving around the show and with each passing year, it slowly faded into the background.
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| Convention photo with Buffy the Vampire Slayer star, James Marsters, and my sister, Raishel |
What changed? Me. My life. At 16, all I wanted was to escape into some fantasy world. Now, at 24, everything is so different. Back then, if I was given the choice to watch TV or go out, I would’ve gladly chosen TV (unless it was somehow Buffy related of course!). Now, given the choice, I would always choose spending time with my family or driving off on an adventure with my husband or working on some creative project.
It’s ironic. At 16, I would’ve been the first person to defend why TV is amazing and necessary in life. In fact, I did so on many occasions with my parents. At 24, I understand it’s entertainment value and to an extent, I still understand the lessons that a person can learn from a show. I mean, I did learn at six years old never to drink and drive thanks to Party of Five! It opens up conversations and it allows you to learn about different perspectives. However, shouldn’t life do that? As a reformed TV addict, I now constantly wonder what good being obsessed with a TV show does. In the end, I feel like it can become more of a mask than anything else. Someone else’s story that you use to hide behind when life gets tough.
I’m thankful for the people in my life, who without knowing it, helped me remove my mask and discover my passions and reclaim myself. Through some incredible life milestones, from getting married to moving to CA to opening our restaurant, I’ve learned that I don’t want to escape my world, I want to embrace it. When things are complicated and I get scared of what’s to come, I no longer turn to TV as my comforting friend. I turn to the people around me for guidance or support.
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| Our Wedding (September 3, 2011) |
The truth is, no material thing in this world will ever define you. That’s why our obsessions and interests change year after year. It’s why something we loved one year may repulse us the next. Because truthfully, the only definition of you is what comes from inside. It’s your thoughts, your feelings, your real world experiences. Everything else is just a mask. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to love these things and life wouldn’t be life without having interests and hobbies, but the point is, it’s also equally okay to wake up one day and feel differently. You should never let it define you because life changes and you’re constantly evolving.
In the end, never lose sight of who you actually are at the core. Because that person is amazing and deserves to shine…and that is something a TV show (or any other obsession for that matter) will never provide.